Yeah, ITed in T.O. wrote:
too.* * * January Joke Thread * * *
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Ted in T.O.
- Posts: 3412
- Joined: Feb 12, 2006
- Location: Mississauga,Ontario
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
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Ted in T.O.
- Posts: 3412
- Joined: Feb 12, 2006
- Location: Mississauga,Ontario
" Morning Sex"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our
usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me
and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very
moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still
dreaming... or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her
and then gave it my all; right there on the
kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to
the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our
usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me
and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very
moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still
dreaming... or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her
and then gave it my all; right there on the
kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to
the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
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Ted in T.O.
- Posts: 3412
- Joined: Feb 12, 2006
- Location: Mississauga,Ontario
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Ted in T.O.
- Posts: 3412
- Joined: Feb 12, 2006
- Location: Mississauga,Ontario
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver
walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above
the walls light up sequentially…
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up
again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to
his son..... 'Go get your mother'
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver
walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above
the walls light up sequentially…
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up
again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to
his son..... 'Go get your mother'
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Ted in T.O.
- Posts: 3412
- Joined: Feb 12, 2006
- Location: Mississauga,Ontario
Is that one word or two?
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the elderly gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently,' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered,
'Is that one word or two?'
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the elderly gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently,' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered,
'Is that one word or two?'
Reminds me of the young man who went in to get a vasectomy.
The Dr. told him that these things go a lot easier if they can be performed immediately after ejaculation, and leaves the room.
A few minutes pass and a beautiful young nurse enters the room and begins to undress.
After the satisfying sexual encounter the Dr. returns and completes the procedure.
Following a brief period of recuperation as he's exiting the facility he passes a room with a small window and glances inside.
He sees a somewhat small room with several men sitting around inside with magazines masturbating.
His curiosity gets the best of him so he goes back and asks the nurse about it.
"Oh, those guys", she replies, "they're covered under Obama Care".
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Snakeyestx
- Posts: 2168
- Joined: Jul 27, 2009
- Location: Houston, TX
Two IT Guys in a bar...
"Guess what," says the first IT guy, "I met this gorgeous blonde in a bar."
"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.
"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off!"
"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.
"Nope." says the first IT guy. "I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her up and put her on my desk, next to my new laptop."
"Really?" asked the second IT guy. "When did you get a new laptop?"
"Guess what," says the first IT guy, "I met this gorgeous blonde in a bar."
"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.
"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off!"
"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.
"Nope." says the first IT guy. "I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her up and put her on my desk, next to my new laptop."
"Really?" asked the second IT guy. "When did you get a new laptop?"